Living life shouldn't be this hard sometimes. You should be able to wake up go about your day without a care in the world, and when its all over go to sleep without any thoughts and sleep with no troubles. Lately all I've been doing is waking up during the night and not being able to fall back to sleep. I don't think I'm over thinking or having bad dreams , I just can't sleep. I think I'm sad, or maybe mad I'm not sure. But today tears kept coming down my checks and hitting my desk. Over and over again like my eyes were a faucet and I couldn't find the knob. I spoke to him today for a while. It was really dull. I didn't have much to say. He heard it in my voice there was something wrong. I couldn't even explain or even imagine how I would explain what I was and am felling. I've come to the conclusion my personality has been suppressed by all the occurrences these last two years that I have lost all sense of self. I have not hobbies, no actual own group of friend, and all I do is work and stay home. I have no real desire to do much but live vicariously through others and wish I could. I want to lose weight, I want a new life, I want to be excited, but I just lead to going on the computer and reading other Mil spouse blogs trying to find meaning to why I act and feel the way I do. I know there is meaning behind all my actions and I hope to find out soon. For now ill just reminisce about thinks looked clear.
MisSing His Kisses