Saturday, January 29, 2011

O hApPy Days Of January

Here just as I promised so pic from R & R

Omar's Birthday Party ( He' ll be in Iraq when the real day comes)

Our Thanksgiving Dinner ( He missed Turkey Day)

Out to Sushi ( Our fav thing to eat)
O and Melina

At the Opera

Right before he got back on the plane back .

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

CHu Chu

Well, I had a better day than yesterday not quite where I wanted it but definitely much better. I stated to read again and I've taken up a challenge which is a 40 day commitment to my marriage. I hope I can get through it and help myself understand things better. It went well today and I didn't bring anything up so thats a plus. I had another army wife call me today crying. I felt bad but it seems as though this deployment has taken a toll on us all. But all we can do is just keep swimming as Dori would say. Staying above water is a hard thing to do when it feels like the world is about the crumble and eat you whole. I hope my world doesn't crumble again I like it the way it is.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

MoOdy BeE

Today was a rough day it seemed as though everything was bothering me. From the second I woke up I was dreading the day. I was late getting dressed for work. My dogs didn't want to stop playing in the snow. Then I was really sleepy on the train which lead to coffee once I got off. I got to work just to be bombarded with 1000 questions about stuff I had and have no control over. Which lead to me shutting down completely. I also found myself over analyzing the fact why my husband hadn't called. Which lead to panic and discomfort. I spoke to my best friend Lisa about my thoughts and she agreed I was crazy. O finally rang me on my Skype which is now on my new trusty Iphone which put me at ease. Sometime I really cause my own problems. I will self diagnose myself with hypochondriac syndrome or bipolar. My moods really affected my work today, everyone noticed. Even though R& R was probably the most needed thing in the whole world to get through this deployment, my desk didn't think so. Everything has been misplaced and I'm starting to doubt it will ever get better. My mind set is beyond my job description I either need to move up or I need to move out of my position. I don't get payed enough to do what I do. Yet the world as always expects me to make sure all angles are covered. I wish my mind would just shut up sometimes as well. I'm going to be my own cause of death. My obituary will say : Beloved Daughter, Wife and master of Kimplaining and senseless over discussion of past occurrences.

Your probably thinking what is Kimplaining. Well, in the dictionary according to O: Kimplaining, is my way of complaining about the world and anything that comes to mind. These discussion usually lead to arguments or me feeling like I have failed or will fail in something that is or is going to happen or had happened. I let people affect me so much that it has completely taken over my life for the past year. I need to let shyt go already honestly. I must. If these past 2 weeks haven't proven anything to me then I don't know what will. Im so scared of losing that I'm going to lose. I need to focus on whats next like moving back to Texas, PCSing to Georgia, and O coming home. Easier said than done but after my phone call this afternoon I even disappointed myself with my response. I don't understand how I can be so negative when my world isn't as bad as I make it seem in my head.

Starting tomorrow I must go back to my working out 5 times a week, not eating junk, and keep my mind in a positive light. I need to get back on my grind of reading books and looking forward to my phone calls with my hubby and my nights with my dogs. I need some prayers and I need to start praying.

I think I can.... I think I can

Thursday, January 20, 2011

O SkiPppy

Well, R& R was great so but it came to an end yesterday :(. We have been spent as much time as possible with each other and it seems like it should have never end. I know he'll be home before I know it I just hate to say good bye again. Well, not good bye but see you in a few months. We went to the Poconos, went to the casinos, shopped, went to an Opera, and saw lots of family. It was a great success. I will be posting pictures and more details later on just wanted to give a short update.

I've done nothing but sleep the last two days I don't want to get out of bed. He hasn't called since last night and I'm getting pretty anxious. Now i have t put all my feelings aside and get back to the real world. Work starts tomorrow and I'm lucky I had two days to rest. I don't know how good I'm going to be at work , I'll probably just stare at my phone all day and wish it was over. ust six more months, maybe if i tap my shoes together and say theres no place like home it will go faster. Just gotta find a pair of ruby slippers now.

hearts will be

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Finishing Up

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why?

Well, one thing I want to change about myself is how I dawn on things. I really don't ever let anything go and if I do its for a second and I go right back to thinking about it again. I let thing consume me which isn't good when all I really should do it move on. I hope to learn I can't always control the out come of things and patience is a virtue. One day ill learn.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I love myself more than I love others I need to because if I didn't there would be no me. I love how happy I am, I love how determined and I love how strong I am. I love that I can act like nothings wrong when the world is crumbling. I love my family and how they have raised me to be a self sufficient person. I love that I love my job and everyone there. I love how i'm the go to person. I love how my friends look up to me and my family adores me. I love me and everything about me. I love how my choices in life have lead me where I am. I wouldn't change myself at all maybe just some tendencies or maybe not even that.

love me for who i am