Today was a rough day it seemed as though everything was bothering me. From the second I woke up I was dreading the day. I was late getting dressed for work. My dogs didn't want to stop playing in the snow. Then I was really sleepy on the train which lead to coffee once I got off. I got to work just to be bombarded with 1000 questions about stuff I had and have no control over. Which lead to me shutting down completely. I also found myself over analyzing the fact why my husband hadn't called. Which lead to panic and discomfort. I spoke to my best friend Lisa about my thoughts and she agreed I was crazy. O finally rang me on my Skype which is now on my new trusty Iphone which put me at ease. Sometime I really cause my own problems. I will self diagnose myself with hypochondriac syndrome or bipolar. My moods really affected my work today, everyone noticed. Even though R& R was probably the most needed thing in the whole world to get through this deployment, my desk didn't think so. Everything has been misplaced and I'm starting to doubt it will ever get better. My mind set is beyond my job description I either need to move up or I need to move out of my position. I don't get payed enough to do what I do. Yet the world as always expects me to make sure all angles are covered. I wish my mind would just shut up sometimes as well. I'm going to be my own cause of death. My obituary will say : Beloved Daughter, Wife and master of Kimplaining and senseless over discussion of past occurrences.
Your probably thinking what is Kimplaining. Well, in the dictionary according to O: Kimplaining, is my way of complaining about the world and anything that comes to mind. These discussion usually lead to arguments or me feeling like I have failed or will fail in something that is or is going to happen or had happened. I let people affect me so much that it has completely taken over my life for the past year. I need to let shyt go already honestly. I must. If these past 2 weeks haven't proven anything to me then I don't know what will. Im so scared of losing that I'm going to lose. I need to focus on whats next like moving back to Texas, PCSing to Georgia, and O coming home. Easier said than done but after my phone call this afternoon I even disappointed myself with my response. I don't understand how I can be so negative when my world isn't as bad as I make it seem in my head.
Starting tomorrow I must go back to my working out 5 times a week, not eating junk, and keep my mind in a positive light. I need to get back on my grind of reading books and looking forward to my phone calls with my hubby and my nights with my dogs. I need some prayers and I need to start praying.
I think I can.... I think I can
I hope that things start to get better for you soon...I do the same thing when Chad doesn't call or I don't hear from him by a certain time...I think it is just all apart of this lifestyle. Hopefully once you start to get back into your routine since the hubby left things will drift on a lot easier. I'm always just a text or phone call away.
ReplyDelete