I Was a LiTtle Girl

Living life shouldn't be this hard sometimes. You should be able to wake up go about your day without a care in the world, and when its all over go to sleep without any thoughts and sleep with no troubles. Lately all I've been doing is waking up during the night and not being able to fall back to sleep. I don't think I'm over thinking or having bad dreams , I just can't sleep. I think I'm sad, or maybe mad I'm not sure. But today tears kept coming down my checks and hitting my desk. Over and over again like my eyes were a faucet and I couldn't find the knob. I spoke to him today for a while. It was really dull. I didn't have much to say. He heard it in my voice there was something wrong. I couldn't even explain or even imagine how I would explain what I was and am felling. I've come to the conclusion my personality has been suppressed by all the occurrences these last two years that I have lost all sense of self. I have not hobbies, no actual own group of friend, and all I do is work and stay home. I have no real desire to do much but live vicariously through others and wish I could. I want to lose weight, I want a new life, I want to be excited, but I just lead to going on the computer and reading other Mil spouse blogs trying to find meaning to why I act and feel the way I do. I know there is meaning behind all my actions and I hope to find out soon. For now ill just reminisce about thinks looked clear.

MisSing His Kisses

Glass Never Empty

Monday O how I hate thee, especially today. The dogs have been acting extra crazy since this weekend so this mornings feeding was over all the worst since we have moved to NY. Harlem did not want t o listen, and Miss Brooklyn kept running into things with her cone. I was stressing out until she bumped so hard she fell on her bum. I couldn't but laugh at how cute she looked just looking up at me with a confused look. After the usual morning excitement I wound up missing the bus for the 1000 time and waited for the next one. I don't understand why New York Cit develops bus schedules, because their buses and trains are never on time. It's frustrating I have to leave extra early from my house so I wont miss the bus. Not that I'm ever late to work but I like to get there before everyone else so I can settle in with no distractions.

Speaking of distractions, today I applied for a bigger position in my company. With the decision pending, if I get it or not, I must be on my best behavior and as diligent as possible with my work. The new position will consist of more working hours but it would be the biggest step in the right direction for my career. Especially if I want to work in the Atlanta office in a few months. I hope this new opportunity I have at hand works out to my advantage. Everyone I have spoken to about the situation have given me a lot of hope and confidence. So once again we play the waiting game.

Im also playing the waiting game on a big purchase I just made , well several. I bought myself an early birthday gift which should be arriving in the next few days form Victoria Secrets

Cutest Motorcycle Jacket

My 1st pair of Uggs.

& Some nude color heels.

Im ubber excited about my birthday gift. I gotta sport that NY swag sometimes. Plus I haven't bought any new clothes in a while so that my excuse.

Rain Rain go away ....

OuCh

Well, this weekend was apt weekend fro me and the kizzz (as my mother-in-law likes to call them). After the whole Harlem ordeal saturday was my turn to see the doctor, well dentist to be exact. I had a lovely visit with my new dentist. He's actually around my corner which it pretty convient and works of saturdays which is even better. I found out the one of my root canals was infected and needs to be redone, but hopefully all will turn out ok and I wont need to replace the tooth. With all the moving working and everyday life activities I do, I completely neglected anything which had to do with doctors or dentist. Which has lead to more work being done on my mouth. Luckily I'mI not scare of the dentist because I honestly would have no teeth. The visit took almost 2 hours and lead to a lot of pain afterward but it wasn't anything a little pain killers and some antibiotics couldn't fix.

Later that night I actually met up with one of my pledge sister Jeeves. I picked her up and we went to the infamous and famous L&B pizzeria down in the Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. After two italians ices and a forty minute wait, we finally were seated and had the most amazing pasta in Brooklyn. Well, one of the most amazing pastas places near me. I can say I'M lucky to live in the area where I have access to all kinds of foods. We spent the night catching up and laughing about the past. One thing I love about Alison is she doesn't try to relate to my situation by complaining she hasn't seen her boyfriend in two days but listens to me and doesn't judge or complain about my restrictions or feelings. I like having a person I can just vent to without taking a breath and I know they are actually listening than just pretending to. We are now planing a trip to Boston to visit one of our other Pledge sisters Rebecca aka fresh for her 21st birthday which is my birthday weekend as well. Im pretty excited to also celebrate my birthday with some of the most important people in my life. Just wish Omar could enjoy it as well.

Well, after a night of good laughs and good food I had to run home because Brooklyn was being spayed the next morning. In the New York City area we have an animal shelter called the ASPCA. This shelter has portable truck where they spay and neuter pets for free if you have certain insurance plans. Luckily my grandmother qualified for a free operation for Brooklyn and we were able to get her spayed and up to date on all her shots. Due to the fact the truck only takes only the first couple of pets they can fit, we had to arrive extra early, like 5a.m. early.

By the time we got to the location we were number 8 on the list, and it was 5:45. Some people were out there actually around 4a.m. We returned around 2 o'clock to pick her up and she look as though someone had beaten her. Her eyes were swollen form the medication and she fully hadn't woken up form the anesthesia. The doctor placed a cone around her head so she wouldn't pick at the stitches. I couldn't stand seeing her in pain I started to cry and so did my mother. But overall it was worth it. She will be less likely to get most common diseases many female dogs can develop which is a plus as well.

Waiting in line to see the doctor.

After the surgery was done.

Omar got to see the dogs this weekend through Skype. He was pretty mad at me for putting them both through pain, but understood it was necessary. I had some moments this weekend where I could have really used him, or at least pick up the phone and be able to call him. But i'm lucky enough he calls almost like clock work on the weekends. Im hoping month two goes as fast as month one did. Christmas is only three months away, and as soon as the holidays pass, it will be smooth sailing from there on.

Sailing away ...

An ApPle A Day

Today was hectic as always all I had on my mind was my poor pup and why I was at work. As usual I woke up at 5:30 bright and early. Got some clothes together and rushed down to see how Mr. Melendez was doing. He hadn't seem to change from the night before which made me worry even more. The dogs got their usual feeding and were sent out to the yard, but Harlem did not move. He sat looking at me as though he was thinking" really ?" . I honestly didn't know wether or not to call out from work, but the amount of work I have right now I can't afford to spare a day. I was lucky enough I was able to leave work early and rush home for a 6p.m. appointment with the vet. By the time I got home he was fine which made me mad, but I rather be safe than sorry.

Chilling at the Vet's

Two hours later and a bunch of kisses Harlem was finally seen. The doctor ran some test and luckily there were no parasites in his feces. Even though nothing was found he prescribed several medication and gave him a few shoots. Four to be exact. Harlem cried which made me tear up. My mother couldn't even look and began to tear up too. Its crazy how our pets become our family. My puppy's are my children and the only thing of Omar's I can actually cuddle and feel close to.

"Please let me down"

After the the excitement from the vet was over, I ran home to shower and change into appropriate clothing ;) for a meeting with the girls. We all got together at Val's house for a fun night of gossip and spilt soda. My biggie came through and her, Maria, Lauren, and I decided to take a trip to the diner. My big told us all about her birthday which i wasn't able to attend and complained about the little things in life.

.

Samantha and her French onion soup.

It seems like we are growing up so fast and time is never on our sides. But unlike my fellow friends I have hopes and dreams of starting a family very soon. These girls look at me as though I'm crazy but I really want a child and everything that comes with it. Omar and I have be discussing our re-enlistment options and it looks like we will be making our way down the

Ft. Benning. Im pretty excited. Lynn said it was one of her favorite post. I trust her judgment.

But for the time being I got back into Brooklyn College. Wish me well ...

Skype time with John Waits and Nathan Stopps

5-0 5-0

The last few days in the city have been crazy. It's the UN season again. Due to the fact I work just two blocks away from the Beautiful building where the conferences take place I have been surround by secret service agents and police. Its kind of interesting site I have to admit. Between the 100s of diplomatic cars and protesters from all parts of the world, I cant help but be excited about what I get to experience in this wonderful city. Not many people can say they live or lived in a place where no face is alike, no street smells the same, and everyday is filled with adventures. The extra security also makes it very hard to walk around the city. So as soon as the 5:30 whistle blows I have been running to the train.

Protest against Iran.

This week as usual has been just like the others day equals another cube. I have moved over 4 times in the last few weekend going back and forth from 3 main cubes. Everyone laughs but I don't like not having my own space. It's my only sense of security. I like my own things and my own set schedule. I don't know how I'm going to react when they put me back to my floating position. But I'm still on the political team till November and I'm defiantly going to need a mental health day soon.

Cube number 3.

Today Harlem has been acting funny. He isn't his usual self and has been sleeping all day and don't want to play at all. I really hope theres nothing wrong with him. I plan on taking them to the vet tomorrow to see if theres anything wrong with him. I had plans to get their shots on Sat. and then sunday they were both getting neutered. I was set on having them fixed before the end of this month but my plans might go south.

Today my new shows starts ") its called my generation lets see how it goes. P.S. Month one is over keep em coming deployment .. tomorrow there will be peace on earth

DaNcE DanCe DanCe

Its almost 2am on monday morning I cant sleep so I'm hoping me looking at this screen will help me. I had an ok weekend. Still in pain from walking down 25 flights of stairs at work on friday afternoon. Your probably thinking y due to the fact I walked down but the boots I had on were heavy and the building I work in is quite tall. I hope to be ok for work tomorrow if not ill be miserable. Any how I did nothing but hang out and complain. Saturday my baby cousin had her 1st day of dancing school which is a big deal in my family . We all start dance by 3 and it's the usual 3 classes tap, jazz, and the most important ballet. We all have hopes for the next little one to make it at dance. I wish I continued I miss it, but as you can see little miss Gabriella is all ready for it.

Gabriella ready to get shaking.

After all the excitement was over from Gaby showing us what she learned in class and telling us about her new found friends. It was time to have the teenagers over for some popcorn and movie time. I decided to stay in and let my God daughter have some of her friends over in my house so she could have some chill time without parental around. I never realized how loud teenagers are. I had a splitting headache by the end of the night and a mess and a half down stairs. Ashely did appreciate me though in the end. So I guess the clean up and the excessive use of Advil was worth the smile on her face.

Girls will be girls.

I spoke to Omar several times over the weekend as well. He has his room completely set up including a TV, Microwave, and Fridge not to mention his XBox which he received on Friday has been up and running since he got the box. I love being able to see his face on the weekends like he just down the block and were to lazy to leave the house. He still cracks jokes at me and I still smile like he's the best thing next to slice bread. We act like we are on date mode sometimes and I love that feeling. It seems that things are picking up there now and he's a lot more active. I cant wait till May which is his R & R time frame. I hope to plan some sort of trip and not stay in NY, but let see how that pans out.

I also am looking forward to seeing my sorority sister at non sorority events lately. These girls keep my mind going its crazy how we have all grown up so differently but get along so well. Tonight we went to Omonia which is a Greek Lounge in my parts of town. It was nice just making fun of each other and talking about school and girl stuff. They don't ask me much about the deployment which I like because I'm getting a little sick of people asking me about how Omar is doing and how am I holding up. I know they mean well but it's getting repetitive.

One problem I'm having is the going out issue beyond your simple just night group hang out. Sometimes they ask me to go place where I do not feel comfterable going . I know that they are just being nice and want to join them in their weekend events but I hope people start to understand that I'm not your average NY 23 year old. I made the descsion to give up the privileges I once had and got married. With marriage comes sacrifice and I am unable to do some things in which most 23 year old do, such as go to bars and clubs. I would never want to without my husband. I feel like there would be something missing there and I don't think he would appreciate it as well. Not that he doesn't trust me just the simple fact of keeping myself out of certain situations comes into play.

Overall it wasn't a bad weekend. I just wish I wasn't feeling like my legs were hit by a baseball bat and ran over by a semi. Till tomorrows adventures ...

PoStmAn

So its been a long week of political changes, program changes, and desk changes. It seems everything around me keeps moving and I seriously at a stand still. I cant believe how time is flying by. I'm excited but I also feel like I haven't done much for myself. Business is picking up and I'm working for 3 very different people so work is keeping me on my toes. I wake up everyday feeling like I just went to sleep. I don't think I have slept more than 3 hours every night since I moved to NY. Every hour I'm checking my phone tossing and turning. And it's not like I'm really thinking about anything. I kind of stopped thinking. When I think to much I usually get myself into trouble. Nothing is bothering me lately either. Its like I'm still numb somewhat I cant really explain my emotions or my thought process. I haven't cried in a few days and that scared me too. It's silly but the only emotion I sometimes feel is bitterness towards others for having their boyfriends around. I know I shouldn't but I cant help myself.

Overall everyones been real supportive about me being back and Omar being deployed. My girlfriends have been trying to keep me entertained for the last few weekends. Last night it was Val's birthday so we enjoyed a great night just chilling celebrating how old we are getting. My sorority is pretty awesome and no matter how long its been since we've seen each other its always easy to go back to where we have left off.

Kappa Phi Chi Fall 2010

Encore and Prima <3

Today im having my cousins over and hanging out for the night and who knows what else i started my diet today but i don't think waffles count as diet food. well heres why i smile ...

Taken on the night he went to Iraq <3

He got his 1st box yest. making him care packages is my new fav hobby. I get really excited like I'm getting a gift or something . It's true what they sat it's the little things make you happy.

Silence

The overall weekend was ok I really cant complain. Friday work went smoothly I roamed around the office most of the time. Working on political is intense but not when the orders haven't come in. I basically spent most of my time working for my old team and catching up with an old friends. Lunch was nice went to he pub with Elizabeth and got a surprise phone call from Omar. He's doing well. He's finally reach his point of interest and will be there for the months to come. He's in good spirts and has established a comfortable area for himself and his roommate. He has discovered google calls which always him to call me form his computer with no charge. Due to a revativly good interest connection he has called me several times since. I'll amite its nice that hes has these capabilities but i know they will shortly not be so frequent do to the requirements his job holds. We are on week four so time is moving and I like that the fast past life style i live here is helping it along.

Yesterday marked the 9th anniversary of the September 11th tragedy. The city was in silence most of the morning and the church bells rang on the minutes that each tower were hit and again when the ceremonies in the city were done. I can remember the occurrence like it was yesterday. It was my first day of actual high school and we were going through the monitions of going to each class for the first time. We were all excited till the loud speaker came on saying that the towers were under attack. No one knew what to thing but all we saw form the top floor religious class room I was sitting in was smoke and flames coming from the city scape. We relive that day over and over again every year and Omar is where he is now because of that day. Its crazy how ones actions can change the whole faith of the world and start probly one of the longest batles the world has seen. Hate is such an ugly thing and I wish people could stop hating each other. But who am I to say anything> I think we are all guilty of hating someone or something just because the way they look, act, or feel. No one ever looks past the bad and see good in things they don't agree with. Its silly because mostly everything can be avoid but its inevitable to choose the most gracious decision.

YoU Got A FriEnd In Me

After Fridays escapes with work and taking care of the dogs I got a surprise invitation to go see the Coney Island Fire Work. The Cyclone baseball team usually has a display every Friday durning the summer but Hurricane Earl to our surprise made me go all the way to Brighton Beach and have nothing to watch. I was rather disappointed in the occurrence but I got out of the house for a tad bit.

Saturday was a completely different story I cleaned Omar's car with my parents for about 3 hours. It was the worst I've ever seen it. Between two trips to NY and two dogs as passengers I'm surprised it looked the way it did afterwards. Unfortunately before I left Texas to come to NY someone took it upon themselves to break into his car and steal several items including out in dash navigation system. USAA the best insurance in the world took care of most of the cost to repair it and by Sunday afternoon missy should be back to new. I was completely taken back by the situation but its all fixed now . After that confusion was over i went to my cousins house to see the little ones. The project of the night was a cake and cupcakes for the next days birthday party for josh. My oldest cousin is playing with fondant and she's getting pretty good at it =]

Joshua's 5th Birthday cake.

After a weekend f running earns and cleaning I got to celebrate Lisa Marie's Birthday with her family. This is the bight birthday month. Seems as though I have a party to attend every day of the weekend. That also means my birthday is around the corner and Omar is once again no there to celebrate it with me 3 birthdays in a row. Go figure. Well the closer it gets here the closer we are till he gets home. Blast Off.

BlAst From The PasT

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FriDay TreaTs

It was always Friday tradition for me to get a snack to celebrate a week well done. Well this week's treat was a frapacinno from Starbucks!

Got a grande because I'm watching my weight.

The city's motto everyone runs on coffee.

the coffee was amazing and the day went pretty well. I really can't complain i got out f work really early and I was home before my parents. Ever since I moved back it seems as though the army life still follows me. Every where I look there's a go army or a army pt shirt. I see things about deployments on the t.v. and signs on the subway

On the N train.

I'm always reminded that he is gone. Which i remind myself every day but the universe thinks i need reminding as well. The deployment is finally hitting me. As i settle into my old room and sort my clothing into it respected assigned area I seem to stumble on a lot of Omar's clothes which got mixed up in the wash. I want to smell him so bad,, which usually lead me wanting to hold him. I sleep with an acu top which he wore the day before he left and the sent is slowly fading. I watch the computer screen all day hoping hell just get on and to my disappointment its not always when I expected. I'm really tired due to my work schedule and making sure the dogs are fed and walked. I couldn't imagine having a child during this time I'd probably go insane. I give it to my fellow army wives the strength they have. But i do long to have a baby myself by some miracle it will happen once he get back. But for now ill enjoy my treats and do my cleaning and read my books. Till next Friday ...

CiTy GiRl

So I'm back in the BIG APPLE. Its been good so far. I have seen a lot of family and friends and I have also enjoyed lots of good food. With moving back to the city I have also moved back into my old life. I like I've said I got my old job back so I have been working since monday at Trep. I started my day later at 10 and couldn't wait to show my face. By 1030 I had a new I.d. and by 11 I was back to my old ways. Not to my surprise nothing has changed but the hours. I work 830 to 530 monday to friday and so far I haven't missed a beat. The city is amazing as always and just as busy. I've been lucky my old reps have been showering me lunch almost everyday. At our visit to PJ Clarks we ran into Nick Swinger of the NY Yankees and saw his girlfriend by his side. The girls went crazy for his dashing looks I just smiled at their reaction. I can't complain the city has been good to me. I just with Omar was here to share it with me. September is here and fall is around the corner . The days are flying by. Can't wait to see what the year has in stored for me. I'm just gunna keep swimming.