Space crusader

So lately all I've been doing is staring into space, because I'm looking for answer and don't know where to get the. It has been taking a toll on my mentally and as well in my job and relationship. I'm searching for something that isn't out there, but is right in front of me. I have failed to notice the toll it's taking on everything around me. I'm am nit the only person feeling lonely, sad or depressed. I'm not in this bubble alone, but with my husband. Even with the distance I have failed to realize were in this together. I learned a valuable lesson with in the last two days. I have an addiction to pain and I put myself and set my self up for it. I have dawn on everything that has gone on in the past months not realizing that I'm not the only one who feel hopeless and helpless to the circumstances that we're in.

We're always left with the decisions that are base on the what if factor. What if I did this and that could this have happened or not. What if I wasn't so high strung and no let the little things get to me. What if I was able to so with my gut instinct instead of playing it safe. What if I ran 3 miles instead of one? I'll never know so why do I chose to stay stuck in the state of mind where I drive us both to breaking points of no return. I can't answer that nor will I ever be able. All I know is we have 6 more months left of this deployment and it's getting to the point where hairs are turning gray and falling out. But its 2 weeks till month 7 and now its time to buckle down where in it for the long haul right? For better for worse for until death do use part.

Now we have to make the important decisions like where were going to live and how we are going to get everything set up instead of what happened in the past. I keep saying it but what makes me not believe it?

I need help on moving on. Everything I have done so far hasn't helped.

I started reading George Bush's book Decisions Points. I am learning that all decision are not always the best one but once you've made one you have to run with it. Just embrace what you have chosen to do and there is always a way to pick yourself up from where you last left off, even where you left off is a breaking point. Nothing comes easy in life especially love. Love is the greatest battle one will face. But like the old saying goes LOVE can conquer all .